pre-asean dance

Asean Dance used to be such a big thing. like all the whoohaa and stuff.
I rmb being in NY, nant coming to my room to try on my dresses.
Going to lenk's rooms to put on makeup and making a hurricane out of everything.
Rushing to style vi's hair and curl up mine
Sitting on the bus with justin and cam whoring while people say "omg, why u 2 have to wear such similar stuff"
Talking to Vanlow Niko and Car about Asean Dance and getting so exited
Bitching with dan about who loooks great and who..doesnt (:
Sticking with Eli and running all around the place
Dancing with Alon (its a tradition) :D
A hug for polar and tell him he looks great
telling Julian how much he's changed
Taking pis like maddddd
oogling with gui
Holding his hand and actually knowing the feeling of being loved.

I actually saw who loved me and i learnt who i love during both asean dances of the past.
Falling in love.
After that falling out of it.
It was loads of fun. always.
in 2006 i fell for a guy first time in my life.
in 2007 getting together with the other.

but now asean dance is like a chore. A duty we have to fulfill so we dont waste our money or whatever. I dont even wanna go.
Justins gone
Merys gone
Nants gone
Dieps gone
and their all my best friends

As dance just lost its fire. Music and Passion was always the fashion. not any more.
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I went to cyndi's rm and we tried on our dresses and shoes and stuff. Talked about how were gonna our hair. striping down to just our undergarments to make sure its fast. It was fun. but just different from last time.

Its so different. Which guy am i gonna fall for tomorow? Which guy am i gonna bitch about for harrassing me. Which guy am i gonna shout at and slap for harrassing my batchmates.

What am i gonna say to him? Am i supposed to smile? What kinda smile? Am i supposed to ignore? Am i supposed to say hi and leave? Am i supposed to strike a decent conversation?

In a few days time it would have been ur 1 year anniversary. Would have. I cant stand but to think, what if..what if...what if. What if we were still together? Would he still love me the same way? Would I have learnt to treausre him????

The worlds not gonna stop time for me. But im not gonna catch up with it either. Nor will i back track. I'll just stand still and let it past.

How am i supposed to react?