asean dance

I wont say it was fun, but maybe more meaningful.

I got ready v fast and waited to gracia to get my hair done. She was doing hair for so many ppl like hani me and tim. in the end me zippy bel and cia were late. lol.

so we cabbed there. im thankful w did cuz ppl who took the bus had to bloody walk.

I was starving so pitoon bought me macs and me and gracia ate in the toilet.

btw fullerton toilet is 10 times nicer than our dining hall so nvm.

haha.

I was SHOCKED at pitoons CASUAL dress and of cuz i scolded him. but anw i have to admit that he still looked damn nice la. -.-

We waited outside for yenceen seeting tingyun and her bf to come before we went in.

Fullerton is nice but its like so grand till its not fun anymore. its too formal.

ANW, I saw bobby inside so i just stuck around with him. Hes soooo cute with his dimples. ^^ im obsessed. nvm.

I saw manny people. Like julian (whose v nice and manly now!), Daryl (my hot superstar junior), vivi (:D garang woman), lele (my baby), vanlow (twin), yineng, jing (who KEPT touching my boobs so GROSS omg), wanteng, huiwei etc, ning, amy, basta, tiara, yoshi and tons more.

and of course very importantly, polar my BEST FRIEND :D:D he looked so bored cuz diep wasnt there =)

so fast dance was boring. Soooo i went around with bobby and pitoon to sa hi to ppl. like both my hands were preoccupied. like their some body guards or smth. lol.



Then daryl performed! (: he's voice is mesmerizing. even guys like him. all the guys were like shouting and cheering for him. lol. and he keeps denying that. (: and rmb boy, youre the junior im the senior. respect :P



Slow dance was OK. I prefer last year i guess.



First I danced wit bobby. who said he was overwhelmed with guilt because my first dance isnt with pitoon. lol ut theres no connection. Bobbys really funny. he was like how to dance ah. damnnnn cute. I'l miss him like MAD after he leaves. Im obsessed with him dimpples. omg. so nice. i fee like taking them out of his face.



Then I danced wit polar. Ok dancing with your best friend is just WEIRD. but nevertheless he;s always been the BEST dancer i know thats why everyone CANT STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM! and since his gf (which is also my best friend!!! dont think ive forgotten you babe) couldnt make it. So he could only dance with his good friends. so damnnnn loyal lah! =)



After that i danced with pitoon whose so err :P lol. but taking into account that he was so damnnnnn cute last night its okay. and also since hes my soulmate and he cooks and washes for me. I think im gna marry him (: JKJK



Lastly i danced with basta. It was kinda awkward at first. and i felt like killing fani and ivan. But after that it was cool. memories were like flooding my head. kinda scary. and i realised how much i miss him. seriously. ><>

After slow dance, i just went around. Cyndi talked to me to help me recover from my utter shock. Fani laughed laughed laughed. And i laughed at her and ivan too duh. trung walked me around and i ended up spitting my coke onto him cuz he kept pushing my mouth.

Basta and polar gave me pink flowers. how err......ironic? but both of them know me v well :D tim RS and pitoon gave me red.

then i took photos with daryl. girls who wanna DROOOOL over him (cuz i know alot of my friends are obsessed over him. thats just weird), ask me. and photos with jas, szecindyo (tedddy),van low ETC :D

after that polar gave me a gift and a card. OMG. He knows me best, seriousllllllyyyyyyyy. I LOVE IT SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH HUN! YOURE THE BEST BEST BEST! :D:D:D i looooove yoooou so much. CAM ON!! <3

overall asean dance was cool lah. even though i wouldnt have went if its not compulsory. and polar and others will scold me like mad. but still.

im still obsessed wit bobbys dimples. i must make sure my son has many dimples :D

pre-asean dance

Asean Dance used to be such a big thing. like all the whoohaa and stuff.
I rmb being in NY, nant coming to my room to try on my dresses.
Going to lenk's rooms to put on makeup and making a hurricane out of everything.
Rushing to style vi's hair and curl up mine
Sitting on the bus with justin and cam whoring while people say "omg, why u 2 have to wear such similar stuff"
Talking to Vanlow Niko and Car about Asean Dance and getting so exited
Bitching with dan about who loooks great and who..doesnt (:
Sticking with Eli and running all around the place
Dancing with Alon (its a tradition) :D
A hug for polar and tell him he looks great
telling Julian how much he's changed
Taking pis like maddddd
oogling with gui
Holding his hand and actually knowing the feeling of being loved.

I actually saw who loved me and i learnt who i love during both asean dances of the past.
Falling in love.
After that falling out of it.
It was loads of fun. always.
in 2006 i fell for a guy first time in my life.
in 2007 getting together with the other.

but now asean dance is like a chore. A duty we have to fulfill so we dont waste our money or whatever. I dont even wanna go.
Justins gone
Merys gone
Nants gone
Dieps gone
and their all my best friends

As dance just lost its fire. Music and Passion was always the fashion. not any more.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to cyndi's rm and we tried on our dresses and shoes and stuff. Talked about how were gonna our hair. striping down to just our undergarments to make sure its fast. It was fun. but just different from last time.

Its so different. Which guy am i gonna fall for tomorow? Which guy am i gonna bitch about for harrassing me. Which guy am i gonna shout at and slap for harrassing my batchmates.

What am i gonna say to him? Am i supposed to smile? What kinda smile? Am i supposed to ignore? Am i supposed to say hi and leave? Am i supposed to strike a decent conversation?

In a few days time it would have been ur 1 year anniversary. Would have. I cant stand but to think, what if..what if...what if. What if we were still together? Would he still love me the same way? Would I have learnt to treausre him????

The worlds not gonna stop time for me. But im not gonna catch up with it either. Nor will i back track. I'll just stand still and let it past.

How am i supposed to react?

JH is teaching me math, thru msn
i am pathetic
super.
I slept like mad just now.
Im happy
:D
like having a soma holiday.
Asean dance is tmw and im freaking dreading it.

Polar called me when I was sleeping. I cant rmb what he said -.- i think he said call him if im going out so we can meet up or smth. o.O im still quite sleepy.

yineng is trying to persuade me to go as dance. omg, i miss her so much
oh today during lit there was like this WHAT THE FORD=WTF thing. damn cute
JH is like ://///-ing at my math now.lol.
that day we were talking about uni and he said he wants to take "APPLIED MATHEMATICS"
ya i know damn lame. yucks
i told my math teacher " i think math is a waste of time"

and i think he's quite disappointed.

:(

but i really do think so

OMGGG! jh just said this. lok and LAUGH. or class dao-er just said this.

jh. says:
try and understand
jh. says:
albert einsten once said
jh. says:
he wasnt smart, just that he stayed on problems longer.

thats like SO not JH. what happened to the "im searching for the true meaning of why i exist guy"
hahaha

my bros in england and hes telling me he doesnt know what to get for my bdae
i bet he'll get me food in the end.
homework is like pilling up before my eyes and i watch myself drown into complete abyss. and im helpless.
ugh. i must start studying. i cant even catch up on hw.
we had this mizuno run thing on sun to support the basketballers running their 10 km marathon. i must say i was QUITE impressed with their stamina. Andy from 12 F came in first f0r the bb team. as a whole they r quite good runners i guess. afterthat we all went for lunch. uhm the b's and the c's dont go tgt. later me huiching and wena went to velocity. actually we wanted to go newton to play basketball but the courts were occupied. so yeah. we ate yoghurt and talked like mad. lol then pitoon came over. it was quite fun :D
today after i came back form the toilet there was this huge cockroach when i entered the room staring at me. but i didnt scream. if sim was here ill be screaming down level 3 telling him to kill it. haha. and i dunno where it is now. i think angeline is gonna faint. -.-
asean dance is coming and i cant sell the ticket cuz its not allowed. i dont wanna go for my own personal reasons is that too hard to understand? i rly hope diep can make it becuz i miss her so much and its just not the same without her.
everyones telling me to just forget but its not that easy when your carrying the burden on your shoulders. its like every move i make, every step i take, i feel like something invisible is watching me.
i really wish justin mery nant giu and everyone was here.
I rly miss last year's asean dance.
Justin and giulia were here. i miss experiencing that kinda pure happiness. I rmb days before as dance we were all sitting around trying to help me get over him. and yeah it was so cool. i miss nybs.
I miss people not being able to appreciate us.
I miss gui swooooning over the red shirt and black shirt guy (LOL!)
I miss him i guess????
thats a majorly major reason why i dont wanna go.
we got tgt durin as dance.
I made justin pisseeeedddddd, maaaaaaaaaad for doing so but i still did anw.
I made gui laugh at me like crazyyyyy

one in US one in Switzerland one in SG.
I feel like theres one huge barrier between us.

trungs 18th

chuen yang hasnt uploaded the pix yet :( hmmph
founders tmw :D i just got to speak to a girl who went mg last time. shes rly nice. i wonder how come i dont know her. :( but i do now :D
im quite excited and stuff. yeah sounds lame right -.- but stillll. its mg afterall. im gonna see lots of friends and teachers and stuff. yup.
my junior vernzhiang is v weird. i dunn how he got in hc. but then again i dunno how derek got in hc also :P ouups.
im so sleepy but i have to do the stuuuupppiiiiddddd eom ><
but i only have minor mistakes thank goodness lol.
im sleepy. seriously.

oh happy birthday trung. the guy whose always looking out for me :D
i paid fullest attention during econs lecture today. so proud of myself! (: and i could do some math. thanks to raini the bigggeesssst bitch on earth. haha.

some basketballer run on sun and the cheerleaders r gonna support. uhm good luck ij basketballers o.O yay i get to see hc and wena :D

MONITOR LIZARD :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D!!!

okay my math teacher is so funny.
He was like telling met os tudy vectors and ignore the test tmw (vectors not counted)
and suddenly he said ok i dun wanna give the test anymore cuz theres no element of suprise.
walaoooo. thats like the weirdest sms i ever receieved from a teacher but still he's my fav math teacher anw.
so...i told him to do concept map tmw cuz i didnt do hw (as usual-.-)

the moe interview was damn funny. andy was there my only friend. and everyone else being interviewed were boys so it was like so weird.
and the interview was damn informal. i figure she alr wants to take everyone in. and i seriously dont wanna be the only girl. its like the boys voices were so low and echoing in my head like some kinda fly and i got damn intimidated :< extremely unhealthy.
i wanted to meet up with polar but he REJECTED ME. yes hun you rejected me. diep pls scold him :< cuz he had some recent messed up haircut or smth. how....vain. lol.

lit has been getting on my nerves. i just submitted the worst essay i ever written in my life and it broke my heart to see it go into the teachers hands. i sound like some kinda freak but i really wanna do well for lit okay.

justin said that me and elvis have equal amnt of love. that seriously sucks considering elvis is some BLOOOOOOODY soft toy. thanks huh. annnd someone is more impt than me alr. i wonder WHO! haha.

the most interesting part of today was that i saw a bloody freaking HUGE monitor lizard on the way back home with pitoon. i think its the best day of my life. my dad said im mad. oh well. i have this obsession for big reptiles. i hate small yellow fugly lizards cuz i dont want them to get stuck in my hair. triple GROSSSSSSS. but i saw it in the drain running away. its huge like my torso size. pitoon s telling everyone i exaggerate but trust me im not. i m still v excited i dont think ill ever recover from it. i mean the thing is wild ok. how COOL is that. its brown and it has a big fat taillll. but i only caught a glimpse of it. i waited for 15 mins for it to come out again but unfortunately it didnt. i even made pitoon go down and check but he couldnt find anyth. and that broke my heart T.T i really wanna see it again. its just cool. then i ran back to boarding to tell everyone i could about it. and the ahm looked equally amused. but all my guy batchmates gave me the -.- and jeremy or pitoon even said that i can form a reptile club in sch with a SARCASTIC tone. ughhhhhhhhh ><

trungs bdae tmw. (: say heartfelt 100000000x or else ur not gonna get the gift. minh said ur starting to love ur feet more than your head but thats alright cuz i still love u alot!
(:

crazy.

HI JUSTIN. HI DIEP. HI POLAR. HI SIM!
I was just looking at last years asean dance photos.
all i can say is..OUCH.
So much has changed.

We're not tgt anymore.

Justin left for US.

Mery and Nant r gone.

Chuenyang is gone too.

I dont talk to julian anymore.

I see polar like once in 6 months.

Guilia is gone too.

Lenk is having problems. ( sweetheart cheerup i love u)

Its getting creepy. everyone i was ever close to. GONE.
wtf. lats yr when i was about to leave, so tempted to withdraw, polar called me and said he thinks he's cursed. cuz everyone close to him is leaving. and he got rly upset.
OMG thats how i feel now.
and i just read a comment polar left me long time ago :"ur getting emo and thats not healty hun"/
omg made me laugh like mad
cuz i start to rmb, (WHEN HE WAS NOT ATTACHED) how emo he was. Reversal of roles. but thanks to diep he;s alright now.
I really dont wanna lose anyone anymore.
I was talking to jiahao. NO 32A, i do not have a crush on him thanks. He's really great to talk to! seriously. i felt much better after knowing he shares the same thoughts as me.
Poeple only get competitive when their jealous and they know their better.
Thanks so much JH! XD

andddddd. a miracle happened. I finished my fuctions. Thanks to some player. nvm. im ok if my friends are players but as long as im not being played. ha ha ha ha ha. :P
i dont wanna take ANYONE for granted anymore. I SWEAR. thats like a bloody damn promise to myself. and everyone i ever let down.
I am not gonna be spoilt for choices that i abandon people who love me.
im a beeeeeeetttcccchh.
on a happier note.....trungs bdae is coming up. im v excited :D:D:D:D:D
oh and yesterday me jeremy trung and candice went to eat ice cream. it was damn cool. me and trung were debating that whether its wrong to fall for ur best friend. TO ME ITS DAMN WRONG. to him its fine. me and jer think the same way. must be the malaysian power.
im trying to imagine. if jer and candice get married in 10 yrs time. omg. damn scary. but most of all, poor candice. LOL!
i rly loooove my batchmates. what would i do without them??

theres this damn cutttteeee guy in the hostel. GUESS WHO!!!!!!!! muahahaha. i sound like some pervert. OK its marcus :D cute lil p6 boy.

update.

that was for justin. BABYYYY if you read it, you better DO something about it. ! OKAY? TELL MEEEEEE. oh myyyyy gosh. what would JUSTIN say about this huh. if it was still the justin before. SIGH.
Yesterday cheer. Kinda frustrating. and i have a huge blue black on my arm >< but its okay. super worth it.
Went out with wena and huiching. Omg, i love those two bitches like mad! their seriously one of the bestest friends i have in ij. i can tell them almost everything. things that pitoon will say"ok hun thats ok." cuz he simply doesnt understand. its girl talk man.
after that they celebrated my belated bdae. suppperrr sweeet i looooove you guys soo much!
Ben left alr :( kinda sad. Will miss you german boy! :D
Today pitoon left for batam. which is so annoying cuz i have to stay in the boarding alone now. zzz. cuz lenk is busy with her pw and i dont wanna rush ! ><
ok i think i must get a bf soon. if i tell this to leonny she'll laugh at me like mad. and justin will go tsktsktsk. i dont know why i change my feelings easily okay? anw its rly not my fault. I wonder how many guys have i changed alr. julian would say i treat guys like shirts. but not intentionally, really.
I was talking to teki that day. he made me think sooo0 much bout the past. luckily he warned me not to cry or else it;ll be super weird. like talking about these kinda stuff when pitoons sitting on the nest table lol. It really made me reflect. and both of us came upw ith a conclusion that no matter what happens, everyone is to be blame. yes, im a history student you know?
Ive been rly stressed this week. I cant believe i cried in sch its like freaking gross of me to do so. NVM. im over it alr man.
arghhhhh.
i miss my mg scholars soooo much :( everyones too busyw ith their own lives.
i saw my juniors on the bus jus now. the new ones...i didnt even have the guts to intoduce myself.i realise that theres a hug gap alr. Like since we graduated, everything about us has been erased. argh i dont want it to be that way!
:(

i was wondering....long time ago kao dared me to stay faithful for 5 years. is it possible. for anyone? just wondering seriously. hahaha. in 5 years time even if i manage to do it, kao will be back in thailand
oh my shit. thats sooo freaking scary. pitoon will be back to thailand or us. ARGH US AGAIN. im losing everyone to US. Lenk to indon. and everyone im close to will be going back to their home countries. i dont know. its kinda.....awkward. i dont wanna think about it. it just makes me upset.

oh yeah. i forgot to add. pitoon wrote me some supe funny card saying
since your 17,
1) your gonna have a wider cheerleader smile
2) i forgot
3) i forgot
it was damn freaking random la omg-.- nvm. your sitll my best friend and you'll always be even though you cant stand straight and ur annoying sometimes. but i love you nevertheless ha ha ha.

MY BABY.

OH SHIT.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
let me TRY and regain my excitement
there.
OH MY GOSH
IM SPEECHLESS
im soooo FREAKING happpppy honey
omg omg!
and EXCITED
AHHHHH
i wanna scream out loud on the top of my lungs that JUSTIN....
but..
I WONT.
cuz i love u alot lol ;)
oh shit.
now i feel horrible
I realllly miss you come to think of it.
Im gonna develop this hatred for US for taking you away from me.
I wanna be the one u msg early in the morning telling me that...
i wanna be the one who you call at 4 o clock in the morning crying.
I wanna be there one who stays up with you ALL NIGHT to talk about it.
But i cant.
but honeyyyy im soooooo happy for you
I really miss your nonsense
squeezing onto my bed and snatching the blanket
eating sushi almost everyday
talking to elvis who doesnt respond
i miss hearing you bitch about him. even tho i'd get pissed but it just shows how much you care anw
and i swear i'll do that to you one day.
soon,...maybe.
(:
You know i'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you tonight.

ppl used to say justin and vanessa are like the envelope and stamp. inseperable. and i want it to still be that way
I love you so much. and im sooo happy for you munchikins! hahaha.
its like sometimes i wonder what would it be like if you didnt leave. If you came to IJ with me. Would things still be the same?
I wanna tell you all thats been happening. I miss hearing you telling me to play with guys cuz their meant to be played with. But probably you dont think so anymore :) but still it was freaking funnny.
I dont know if you;ll be excited or shake your head in disapproval.
i rly need to talk to you
fuck the time difference
i miss you so much !!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh












idontknowwhattosay

17th birthday

It was sooo great. Unbelievably great.

I was telling pitoon how i didnt wanna celebrate my birthday. But he made it so great in the end. Thank you babe!

at 12 midnight I was greeted with tons of smses. annnnnd a call from polar. and the conversation was superrrrrr funny. He sang me a birthday song and gave me a birthday wish. like "Van, on your 17th birthday i wanna wish you love happiness...err..err..of cuz health. i want you to be healthy. find new bf. err err. err. what else can i wish you???" LOL! thank you hun you are theeeeee best. i wanna meet you soon okay. speaking of polar i miss diep so muchhhh. thank you too baby for wishing meee.

After that i received a email specially from US. from JUSTIN! yay babbbby you remembered. You have no idea how much i miss you. i really wanted to spend my bdae with you okay! tremember your bdae last year. it was SO funny. you made me act out the macbeth scene and clarke quay. but anything for you hon. missing you so much. please take care there okay? and say hi to your foster cat. its loooovely :D

In the morning, pitoon gave me his gift. I regret complaining and saying he ruined my bdae a few days before. YOU DIDNT. it is soooo absolutely sweeeet. He gave me a personalized shit with two hedgehogs saying "arent i just as cute as them!" and printed "HAPPY 17TH VAN" at the back. I was like awww when i saw it. Plus chocolate. and a veryyy nice big metallic hot box. Plus sushi buffet. Neoprints. And my sunflower :D

(pics up soon!)

after that we went to SILRA HOME. it is the home for ex-leprosy patients. I enjoyed myself sooo much over there! it was awesome. interacting with those old people. Really made me see life in a different prespective. Super meaningful :D i really wanna visit again soon. thanks chaw and pitoon for going with me (: and thank you other OH boarders who sang me 3 versions of happy birthday on the bus! (;

Later i went out with pitoon. took neoprints. its very cute! (: then sushi buffet. YUM! thanks babe!

later i met lenkkk. my pretty indon. She gave me some SUPER cute bag. i love it babbbbeee. thank you soooo much for that ;) cheer up okay. i dont wanna see u sad :( i miss you sooooo much honeyy.

ok after that i met up with kao and chuenyang. Chuen yangs looking great now that hes not so skinny. but i prefer his old hair style. his hair is longer now and dyed. but still nice lah :D we went to carls junior. aka "KAO'S JUNIOR!". They ate since me and pitoon were full. and we talked a whole load of crap. like asking kao about ahemahemahem. hahahaha. later we cam whored. theres this pic of me and chuenyang trying to kissssssssssss kao. damnnnn cute and funny!!!! :D hahaha. post it up next time after chuenyang sends it over. omg i really missed chuenyangs crappiness. Thanks for makuing my bdae so special you two gays! lol :P

Oh then pitoon got me a sunflower. and kao was forced to carry my stuff so that i could take a pic with my sunflower. haha.

At night, trung got me icecream :D yay! i love my batchmate. even tho it gave me an asthma attack. lol nvm hun not to worry bout that. And the some of the IJ scholars gave me a bag. thanks babes. i like it :D

at night gracia bel little van and angeline celebrated for me :D thank you! i love the cake even tho i couldnt eat much. (: thanks! gracia and bel were being bitches and refusing to wish me until 12 midnight.

later sim called to wish me and i lied to him i was in the hospital. :P hehe.

after that reuben called and we lied to him that gracia was in hospital. haha.

okay basically i had a grrrrrrrrrrrr8 bdae. Thank you everyone:)



PS. Thanks for remembering. I appreciate it (:

SIMGUANYUEAN

Its my birthday tomorrow =) actually in like 50 minutes time. Sweeet 17. Jus always tells me that the 17th is the most important for the indons. So I wanna dedicated my first post, which is also my birthday post to a guy who has changed my life in unimaginable ways.
I came into his life, and made a mess out of it. But despite that I know he still looooves me. RIGHT? ^^
U asked me wheres ur farewell letter, and I did promise u one. And I always preach that promises aren’t meant to be broken, so I should practice what I preach (:
Hmm honestly, you’re the wackiest guy I’ve EVER met in my whole life. You do things that make me laugh till I cant breathe, yet at the same time, you can make me angry till im fuming with anger.
You’ve taught me so much. Even though I always scold you and tell you to be better. I cant remember when I started getting close to you. During PAE period. And somehow I managed to convince you to take the same subject combi as me so I wouldn’t be alone in class. I couldn’t believe it seriously. Now I don’t know if it was a blessing or a curse.

I remember…during o level release date, I was sooo fucking scared. And after that we all went to ECP. And you told me things that I was probably not meant to hear. But I don’t regret it. Seriously. Cuz no matter what you’re still one of the best friends I had. NO. HAVE.
I remember….When I called you at 3 a.m in the morning. Cuz I was so scared of the ghost stories fani told me. And you talked to me for like quite a long time even though I woke you up. But you didn’t even mind at all.

I remember..you;d always tell me that im not fat. And you never saw me as fat. And you’d tell me how great I am. Even though Im not. Plus you bought me some super LAME book. The true measure of a woman :/

I remember…When I came crying home from school one day. Like crazy. And I refused to talk to anyone except polar. And you were so freaking worried..And you called me for like 10 times in half an hour and spammed my bloody inbox.

I remember…when you’ll piggy back me when I was super tired. And you’d even carry my bags even though it was ultra girly.

I remember…When you agreed to let me and gracia shave your legs just cuz I said “it looks like a forest”. And after that you got tortured by almost every guy in the world.
I remember…When you’d always let me sleep on you on the way home. And after that you’ll get super bad cramps but you never ever scolded me.

I remember…When you’d spend hours and hours RE-teaching me math. And you were prepared to teach me when I slept during every lecture.

I remember all you’ve done for me. And I know theres so much more. But..

I also remember..The times I screamed at you when I was pmsing. And for nothing. Sometimes it annoyed you and I could tell. But that never made you hate me.

I also remember..When you were struggling with the teachers. And I didn’t lend you a helping hand.

I also remember..When you cried in front of me..and I couldn’t comfort you.

I also remember...When teachers had something bad to say about you to me..i had nothing to say..
I also remember..the times I ignored you when you needed a shoulder to lean on.

Im a bitch. But no matter what I did you’re still like freaking bloody nice to me. I don’t know.

I was ANGRYUPSETDISAPPOINTED. You’re so smart. You’re the smartest amongst the all of us. Yet, you don’t use your brains. You know, how many people out there would die to be YOU. Yet you’re wasting your life away.

I just wanted you to try. Try harder. I think I may have caused your downfall. And screwed your life up. And you may think I hate you. But I DON’T. seriously. I just don’t want to see my best friend like that. It hurts you know. To see someone you love hurting themselves.

But I really want you to know. Despite all the bad things I’ve done. I really reallllly treat you as one of my best friends. But is till want you to try harder.

Sometimes its unfair. All these things happen to you all at once. But you really have to try. For me. At least?

I really miss you so much. Its like past few days without you its been really really weird. I cant shout down ur level for you to come talk to me anymore. No one is gonna carry my bag. No one is gonna laugh at me in that weird way. No one is gonna piggy back me.

I wish u didn’t have to go. But maybe its better. It’s a new start. New chances. Youre gonna meet new people. Treasure it okay? I really wanna hear that you’re doing well there. And I’ll visit you soon.

Make my 17th birthday a good one okay?

Love you ALWAYS.
Xoxo.